The Discouragement

Its so funny. As I mentioned in previous post, I never thought infertility could happen to me! But the one thing you don't realize is the affects of it. It hits you so hard at times. For me, it was baby showers. Walking to the mail box and getting yet another baby shower invite would nearly draw me to my knees in tears. I had a hard time going to them because it was so hard for me. The mothers would all talk about their children and I would just be sitting there all infertile. I felt so alone.
    Children's birthdays were always hard too. It was a reminder of the one thing I didn't have. I always dreamed of planning a perfectly themed birthday party, the cake, the decorations, NO Balloons of course ;) And going to these parties I was usually the only one without a child.
      I remember one time I went to Walmart to shop for a baby shower and I was so overwhelmed with all the baby items and my emotions that I just broke down in tears. Lucky for me a Walmart employee came and hugged me. Thinking back on it, she was my only source of comfort. I felt so much better after crying into her shoulder. She didn't need to know what was wrong, she was just there. I have always been a happy person so these feelings were not something I was prepared to take on.
      Things like baby showers and children's birthdays were hard but the Pregnancy announcements on facebook would throw me over the edge. I mean sure I was excited and happy for them but at the same time I was fighting back emotions of when it would be my turn. The hardest announcements for me were the " We weren't even trying and it happened" or " Well I'm pregnant :( ". I have imagined the many ways I would announce my pregnancy to friends and family. I have imagined how I would tell my husband. And to think that someone would be less excited about what was happening in their body, was just a punch in the stomach for me. The one thing that quickly changed my perception is " What is a blessing to me, may not be a blessing to them". I have watched  people get pregnant and struggle every step of the way and once their baby arrives, it's a burden to them. When I finally get pregnant, at least I will be able to say, " You were so desperately wanted" or "I tried for X amount of years for you" or my favorite " I prayed for you and waited for you and went through storms for you and at the end of my journey, you were my rainbow". The one thing I will be able to say to my child is that I loved him/her before he/she was ever conceived. That because of my wait I was able to draw closer to God. That I knew God had BIG plans for my future. And that because of my wait, I will have an amazing testimony to tell! My baby will be my miracle, my reward, my triumph!


      This past year I have finally become OK with everything. Not because I have given up. But because God has given me New Strength to get through this battle. Because God is always Good. Because His promises are True. Because His word, gives me strength to get through the day. Because I never have to go back. I can keep moving forward. Yes I've suffered infertility 5 years but the things I have learned through it I would never trade. Some people can take a negative thing and make it worse. I take a negative thing, and turn it into my positive story.  I turn it into my victory. God has healed me once and He will heal me again. So today I can stand up and say God is working it out in my favor. He will never forsake me.
     I have a few scriptures and quotes and pictures that I find are inspirational so I'm going to leave you with that! Hope everyone has a blessed evening.

                   XOXO

                   Lainey

       Faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible-Luke 1:37


"Sometimes the people around you won't understand your journey. They don't need to, it's not for them."