Give Us This Day

One of the greatest prayers ever taught goes back two thousand years and contains a simple point that helps me focus on living in the now: “Give us this day our daily bread.”

For 5 years, Infertility took away my ability to enjoy life. I became so remorseful of the past and so fearful of the future that I was constantly terrorized by the thought of what another day might bring. Then, in that single sentence from the Bible, I found a whole new concept for living. When I live in the day, I’m freed from that life of fear and torment.

I can’t expect to have my needs guaranteed for the next week or month or year. All I really need is what I need for today. That is why I must strive to live my life that way—one day at a time.

I have come to understand that today is the only time I have. There is no guarantee of tomorrow; and yesterday, with all its mistakes and sorrows, is gone forever. Today, this present moment, is precious.

Even though I know this now, I can still waste my day by reliving the past or worrying about the future.

The effect Infertility had on me was that I took myself and my sordid circumstances very seriously, often to the point that I lost contact with reality. There was no joy or humor or real satisfaction in what I did. Everything around me became grim and dark.

Today, positive signs of spiritual rebirth are showing in my life. Each day I gain more spiritual energy and zest for living. I find joy in others and myself. I have rediscovered the pleasure of laughter. The excitement of a baby shower. The joy of a new baby.

I know that not every day will be a bed of roses, and I will always have to face pain and disappointment. Freedom from the weight of past mistakes and fear of the future will not always shelter me from the pain of the present or the consequences of past actions. The best thing I can do is pause, look deeply within myself, face today’s problems with determination and honesty, and make the choices the day demands, knowing God is with me.

The burden of my yesterdays often becomes too great for me to bear alone. And if I think of my life in terms of all the things I must do tomorrow, next week, or next year, the sheer weight of the resulting worry overwhelms me. Whenever I find myself approaching either of those states of mind, I must ask God to bring me back to the now, where the burdens are more manageable and where I am able to either do something about them if I can with His help, or accept them if I can’t.

For most people, planning is a normal, healthy function; for me it is a two-edged sword. A good plan can keep my life manageable and help me get things done, but when planning leads me to hinge my happiness on the way I expect things to turn out, I am headed for trouble.

The present can be large and interesting enough to occupy all my attention if I can stay focused on it. By concentrating on the here and now and opening myself up to others, God, and the good around me, I can live a happy life, one day at a time.

Lord
Thank you for a new day. I am redeemed from my past. Im not who Satan says I am. I am a daughter/son of the most high God! Today I will only live for today. God you only give strength for Today. Not tomorrow, next week ,next month. Only today! Help me Lord to take on Today in full armor of God! Im Jesus name! Amen!

Keep Pushing!

Today I got to witness something truly miraculous. I was able to watch the birth of my god child. Now, I have 7 god children but this was different. I have seen 9 births, 8 of them were vaginal. That's what makes number 9 so miraculous for me. My sister-in-law gave birth via c-section. Today was a very humbling experience for me. You see, not only did I get to fulfill a life long dream of getting to scrub in on a surgery (I'm a faithful  Grey's Anatomy fan), but I was accountable to someone other than myself and spouse.
     April, my sister-in-law, depended on me to let her know what was going on. She depended on me to encourage her. She was scared. She let me know twice that she was scared. And it was my job to let her know that she would be fine. When I saw that precious little baby being pulled out, it was like time stood still. All these thoughts ran through my head about her future, her health, but mostly about the love. I had just met her and couldn't be more in love with her. She was perfect! She was beautiful! She is still so innocent. Standing in the elevator with her in the incubator seemed so precious to me. I wanted to hit my knees and thank God for the little piece of heaven that he sent my family. But mostly, looking into her tiny face, knowing that God promised me this exact thing.

     I won't be childless forever. God promises me a future of hope. He hasn't denied me children. He has simply asked me to wait. Im not being punished. Nothing is wrong with me. After all, I am fearfully and wonderfully made!  One of my favorite books in the bible is Samuel. For those that are not familiar with it let me give you a quick reference :

Hannah prayed year after year after year for children. She was often consumed with thoughts of infertility, so distraught that she could not eat. The Bible tells us that Hannah was heartbroken, and she began to pray to the Eternal One, weeping uncontrollably as she did (1 Samuel 1:9-10). When Eli saw Hannah praying (she was weeping, and her lips were moving, but words were not coming out…boy does that sound familiar!) he rebuked her for being drunk. Hannah had to explain to him that she was not drunk, but that she was a woman who has been pouring out the pain in her soul before the Eternal One (1 Samuel 1:15).
Out of all of the stories I have read about infertility in the Bible, Hannah’s is the one that resonates the loudest. Her pain in something that I can feel reading the Scriptures, and it is a familiar pain, a familiar longing, and a familiar frustration. The Bible so clearly portrays the depths of her emotion, physical, and spiritual pain.
But eventually, God remembered Hannah’s petition, and she became pregnant with Samuel. After giving birth to Samuel, Hannah conceived and gave birth to three sons and two daughters.
Her son Samuel grew tall, and wise in the ways of the Lord. He grew in favor with God and with the people he served (2:26).
Samuel eventually became the last and greatest judge of Israel.

Wow! How awesome is that! So often we ask God, but forget to praise Him for the  things we do have. We forget that God has promised a future of hope. We tend to give up on God when things get tough. But if we could just hold on to God's word, it will come to pass! Well my post is done. Have not slept for 17 hours so it's definitely my bedtime! So keep fighting the good fight!!!! It's coming!