The hardest thing to come to terms with is that God doesn’t operate by our definition of fairness, nor does He dole out blessings only to those who deserve them. “He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matt. 5:45).
We conveniently forget that this God from whom we’re demanding our version of fair play is also the God Who chooses not to condemn us to eternal death. This is the same God Who provided redemption through His Son, Jesus Christ. This is the God Who pardons us when we confess our sin and accept His path of forgiveness and restoration.
Dealing with infertility can be devastating to our faith. The intersection between faith and the quest for parenthood is wrought with questions, many of them being “if…then”
"If God really loves me, then why won't He give us a baby. "
If I’m a believer, then why isn’t God answering my prayer?
If we’re committed to raising a child in a godly home, then why can’t we have a
child as easily as those Hollywood stars who just live together for years?
If I’m doing my part as a Christian, then why isn’t God doing His part as provider?
These are questions that only God can answer.
I don't understand God’s ways.” No kidding. We don’t understand why God gives babies to unmarried movie stars, to child abusers, and to people who won’t give a child a stable, loving home. Again only God knows the answers.
Pretty much all of my friends and family have children. I can honestly say that only 2 of my closest friends don't have children and out of those 2 only one of them suffer from infertility. So of course her and I have a lot in common. In the 5 years that my husband and I have been trying to conceive, I have read tons of books. What to expect before you're expecting, what to expect when you're expecting, what to expect after you deliver, The first years of baby's life, the pregnancy book, trying to conceive, etc. I can tell you things that most pregnant women wouldn't know. I have everything prepared for my pregnancy. From my gender reveal party, baby shower, baby names, hospital I want to deliver in, all the classes I want to take, etc. I have had so much practice with my family's children that I am prepared for colic, sickness, teething, etc. After 16 nieces and nephews I have probably been through every scenario possible. But the one thing that most of my friends and family say is "Until you are a mom, you will never understand. "
And they are right. Im not a mom....to a human baby that is. I am sure that my child will put me through all kinds of things I have never experienced. Im sure that there will be nights where I have no idea what to do. But I do know that those will be the times I remember the most because I prayed for those nights. I yearned to hear a baby's cry throughout my house. I can only imagine sleepless nights. Kisses and hugs. My husband coming home to his wife and son/daughter and fur babies. I have waited for that. I have prayed for that. I think that the past 5 years of struggling, crying, yelling at God, asking God to forgive me, reading every book about pregnancy and parenting will make me a better mom. It wasn’t for nothing. I struggled for a reason. While I am still waiting for my reason or reasons, I am going to keep pushing forward. The good news is. ..I don't have to go back. ..I am another year closer to my miracle!
Well im going to bed. I have a Dr appointment in the afternoon. Until tomorrow evening, have a great day!
Xoxo
Lainey
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