it has been a while since I posted on my blog. Well my husband was home so I spent time with him. And also we are planning a vacation! A much needed vacation! As you remember in previous post, I had decided it was time to get back to my husband and I. No more peeing on sticks, charting temperatures, tracking days. It was just time to get back to us. Well we are going to Disney World! I have never been! Im a little nervous about leaving my 5 fur babies at camp for a week but other than that im ok.
I never knew planning a vacation was so hard! Im exhausted already! So im so relieved that we decided to just stop all the craziness of infertility! I can honestly say that with infertility, you really forget who you are. You can forget about the important things and get so lost in doing whatever you have to do to make it happen. And you get to the point of feeling like a robot. So I called it quits. I needed to get back to me. Back to us. Back to life. Its only been 2 months since I just stopped the roller coaster of infertility but I have to say its the best decision I have made in a while. I have gotten stronger in my faith, discovered who I am, and have spent less time worrying about when I'm ovulating! I have never felt better!
I have a confession. A lot of women dealing with infertility will relate to my confession. So here it is......Infertility makes me feel less like a woman. I mean, multiplying is something that women were made to do. So when it doesn't happen, you feel inadequate. You just can't understand why it would happen to you. It's even worse when you have "unexplained infertility". All you want is answers but they can’t give you any. So I look to God. Only He knows the plans He has for me. He would never withhold blessings from me. It has taken me a while to get to this point, but God waited patiently for me to get here. He knew that I needed time to grieve. Time to heal. Time to understand. And time to figure out that all I need is Him. I needed to get back to Him. That's where my comfort is. That's where my hope comes from. Im running back to His promises because that's all I can hold onto. Nothing surprises God. So I can trust that He knows what he is doing. And when my baby boy/baby girl comes, I will have a testimony! God uses everything to Glorify Him.
Anyway, I am still fighting a cold due to my immune system being compromised from pneumonia. But I will hopefully be better soon and write a bit more on my next post :(
Night everyone!
XOXO
LAINEY
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